Communication is easily one of the most important aspects in any dating relationship. Matters of the heart can get very complicated, very quickly, and so making sure that you talk to your other half and understand their positions on things is vital.
From allergies to kids, there are a bunch of topics that you should probably talk to your partner about at some point if the relationship is going to be at its best. But figuring out when to ask these questions, and which topics are appropriate at any given time, can be tricky.
The truth is that those things will always differ from person to person, couple to couple. But there are some general rules that you might want to follow when it comes to considering what questions you should ask when you’re dating.
What do you do in your spare time?
Ok, this might not seem that important, but bear with us. We promise that this really is one of the most important questions you can ask when dating someone.
Because it’s one of the easiest ways to judge how much you have in common with another person. People like to talk about their interests and hobbies, and so asking them about theirs will open up a wealth of information and make it much easier to figure out how compatible you might be.
Different interests are absolutely not the be all and end all of a relationship, but it’s always good to know what really gets your partner excited so that, even if you don’t enjoy it much yourself, you can support them in the things they care about most.
What do you do for work?
There are some jobs that might be red flags or massive turn-offs for some people, and that’s fine. But that’s not actually the main reason we’ve decided to include this question in our list.
Some jobs take up more of a person’s time than others, and some professions will require lots of travel or even that partners may need to join in at parties and events. Because of all this, it’s always good to get an idea of your date’s career, and where they might be wanting to go with it. As upsetting as it might be, if it turns out that they might be moving soon, or that they only really have 2 hours free a week, those things are not going to work for everyone and, if they don’t work for you, it might be worth quitting while your ahead.
If those kinds of things don’t bother you, however, then that’s great! Go ahead and see where things lead. It’s still very much worth asking the question though, if for no other reason that to learn more about your date and build on that growing connection.
Tell me about your family?
This might not be a first date question for some, but that all depends on the vibe of the date. Some people will want to talk about their families right from the outset, while others may be slightly more reserved.
Family can be a tricky topic, but it can also tell you a lot about a person. Where they come from, what kind of environment they grew up in, and it might even help you to understand their mannerisms and behaviours too. Just be kind and thoughtful when broaching the subject. Some people might have rocky relationships with their families, or even be estranged from them, and it’s important to always be sensitive around situations like that.
Nonetheless, as a relationship progresses, it’s likely that you will meet your partner’s family at some point and so it’s always a good idea to have some idea of what you’re going in to. You don’t need the life story of every single uncle and cousin, but knowing how many siblings there are and what everyone’s name is will help smooth over what can be a very stressful and awkward first meeting.
Do you want kids?
Ok, this is a late-stage kind of question that’s definitely not first date material. Big questions like this might scare people off early on, but it’s still super important that topics like this are discussed before things go too far.
Whether or not to have kids can be not only relationship defining, but life defining, and it’s often a make or break red-line topic in relationships. If one person wants kids and the other doesn’t, it really is unlikely to work unless one person changes their mind on this pretty major issue. People do change their tune about kids sometimes, but not everyone will be able to budge on their position, so it’s best to get a good idea of where your partner’s head is at before taking things too far.
Whether you want kids or not, the only important thing is that you and your partner communicate with each other and agree on a plan that everyone is happy with. Complete disagreement on something as fundamental as kids can spell disaster, as the topic is incredibly emotionally weighty, so just make sure you get the lay of the land before there’s too much at stake.
Ask whatever you want to know
The truth is, the right questions to ask when you’re dating are the ones that you want the answers to, and they will be different for each and every one of us. We all place different values on things, and so what might be an all-important deal-breaker to one person might be an easy-going, low stakes chat for another. Its all about figuring out what you think is important in a relationship and communicating that to the person you are dating.
Openness and honesty might not always be the most comfortable, and you may find that you sometimes need to ask hard questions, but the truth will always be better for your relationships in the long run.